This one was written in April 2007 for someone I should have never bothered loving at all.

"April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
"The Wasteland"- T.S. Eliot


Tell me when our love went sour,
In that tortured head of yours.
I have a right-I want to be vindicated.

Did it crumble apart like stale bread
you used to sop up your thick stewed confusion,
Or did you crack it open to see the inside,
Oh my Orpheus, clarity but parts the clouds over love's brewing ocean-It leaves no room for rushing water that wets the heaving, thirsty shore.

Our tempest poured down not from the wringing hands of an angry god,
But from the pus-filled cavities of the heart you would never disinfect
You let your wounds fester,
Licked the scabs to prove you could still feel-
Though you couldn't.

Do you remember when we were wrenched from our perfect shell
Leaving mirrored question marks in their slick shiny skin?
Or had you left already,
Seeing with your eyes of foreboding- the sting of severance
One squinting towards the lonesome future,
The other avoiding my gaze that saw straight through you.
Tell me, dear,
What have you felt,
have you felt, truly?

Because I remember lying cushioned between lazy mountains
Drinking ambrosia from the Mother's endless fountains
I can see them there-
(Not us for we have passed)
Humming tunes of hearts unbroken,
Soft, virgin loves still untouched by raging roses
Whose thorns you would one day use to wake me from the dreams
Of my wide-eyed slumber.

I remember secret passageways
To the haven forged from spoiled earth and poisoned waters
Our artificial home-
It felt so real in the shade of plastic palm fronds
Their cellophane fronds tickling our tear-streaked cheeks,
But no hole in the sand could replace our happy shell.

We saw Aurora's yawn break into a pale and gentle light
Through our future-gazing window
Saw her stretch her flaming arms into a barren sky
Though we never could tell the day from night,
For you were my great Star,
And I your tide invoking Moon.

"Oh draw me into your hard heart,"- I said,
Covered by layers of ice
And steel
And thick, reeking liquid
I'll melt away the frost
And burst a fresh bud from your concrete, almost dry.

"There will be time", you said, first
As you peeked at your watch,
Excusing yourself to an engagement far from
Tree-hung paradises of lovesick contemplation;
Later you dismissed from me from your heart's sterile prison
Built bars and locks and iron doors to keep me fighting the winter wind without;
Finally you sold my photos, our memories, our life,
To buy hours unattached to primordial roots
Free to dance and play like a foolish child
Ignorant of the world that only stretches it and molds it into its frightening grown-up form.

I remember a time untainted by jealous sneers and slashes
A fusion of souls, a heaven of hearts.
But your numb amnesia keeps you on a diet of
Safe reminders-
Tasteless coffee with unwrapped company
Only to be disposed at the end of the hour;
Cheap wine on an overcast day,
Drinking straight from the bottle-
I know how you look to the bottom,
Mistrusting even the drops that refuse to reach your parched tongue.

So while my heart breaks beaten on dirty city pavement
Stains the snow that covers up your petrified heart
Beneath their cleansing layers,
You go about your day,
Each moment losing a piece of me,
First an eye,
Then a mouth,
Then a whole hand.
Tell me dear,
When will you have room in your curtained chamber
For the visitor who comes by tonight to wipe the dust from your sleepy eyes,
Tell me dear,
When will there be time,
For me?